feel hurt... :'(

i feel not fair for girls...
some girls are so kind, but why boys will hurt them???
they did nothing wrong also... ='(
i feeling like crying...
all i keep inside my heart...
i don't want to show it anymore..
the more i show, the more people will think i am weak...
although you all see me like normal already...
but i just keep myself silence...
everytime in my room, i feel like crying and want to go back to my previous life...
why can't it stays until forever???
i as a girl, i did nothing wrong at all..
all i did was scolding for own good...
the person only never realize how much i care....
i was very worry and wondering....
if i am not worry, i wouldn't care of getting to know...

this life is totally cruel..
how can a person treat you good,
and you hurt a person???
what is the person wrong???
sigh sigh sigh,,,
what is my weaknesses???
only high status people, will be look up???
why so cruel???
i am getting to be an adult...
i have to take it these all..
maybe it's starting to suffer for few years...
because i read an article...
they said that teenagers growing up at teens age need to control their life...
if not they will commit suicide or do some other stupid things like killing, robbing, and others...
='( sigh.... what world is this... T_T

now, my problem... is Buddha leading me to the right choice??
is Guan Yin leading me to the right way to life???
please...i don't want to get hurt again....
sometimes i cannot control myself..
what i do, i never listen to my parents advise...
they say anything, but i just don't know why i don't want to listen them.. ='(
why??? ='(
how can... they take care of me from baby until now....
i cannot just neglect at them..
but somehow my feelings don't like..
what happen to me???

but in heart, i know that my parents always inside and stick forever...
because i live with them for 19 years already...
if they are not my real parents also i will love them..
because they are the one who take care of me...
i will not leave them no matter what..
how far i go also, their spirit are always in my heart....

now i don't know what to do besides study...
i can study...but it's very pressuring..
yesterday, luckily i never gone mad...
because my head nearly explore... ><
i can feel it...very pain.. everything in one time....
i really couldn't stand the feeling..
i just don't want to express out my feelings anymore..
because i scare i do wrong mistake again..
just let everything into my heart and let me suffer..
now i am suffering stomachache and headache..
i just don't know why... i feel very pain... always need to rest.. ='(

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