WeLcome 2 Mickey Jayin page =)

AHHHHH!!!!!!! studying from 10am to 7pm everyday... and do assignment when come back home.... my life totally change already lor.... i stay back in college after my last class everyday, except saturdays and sundays.. saturdays go to college until 4pm only... my life...!! totally change a lot.......lol.... but today's test, i don't know whether ok or not.. ='( i feel confuse..i need more practice...i cannot just read.. read no use...i need to practice more i think.... maybe i need to go library and photostat more past year questions and ask lecturer to mark for me before i fail..LOL... seriously my 2nd year of diploma life is totally different... it is tougher life...without people's care.. all alone by myself... i am very lonely when i am at computer lab... ='( i study alone everyday after my last class.. ='( when i see people walking together especially couples holding hands... reminding me of someone and with me... T_T when i get the new pers...

i feel not fair for girls... some girls are so kind, but why boys will hurt them??? they did nothing wrong also... ='( i feeling like crying... all i keep inside my heart... i don't want to show it anymore.. the more i show, the more people will think i am weak... although you all see me like normal already... but i just keep myself silence... everytime in my room, i feel like crying and want to go back to my previous life... why can't it stays until forever??? i as a girl, i did nothing wrong at all.. all i did was scolding for own good... the person only never realize how much i care.... i was very worry and wondering.... if i am not worry, i wouldn't care of getting to know... this life is totally cruel.. how can a person treat you good, and you hurt a person??? what is the person wrong??? sigh sigh sigh,,, what is my weaknesses??? only high status people, will be look up??? why so cruel??? i am getting to be an adult... i have to take it th...

i will try my best to live my life until i die... i will not do stupid things... sometimes i think of ending my life.. but why not now??? because i too love my parents... i scare i make them suffer whole life.. and i also want my life to pay back for my previous life.. if i never pay back for my previous life, i don't know how to face to Buddha/Guan Yin when i go for my next life.. so people.... please do not do stupid things.. as for me...i am still hurt..my heart still very ache.. it's been 3 months... i still thinking and missing this person... but i have to let go.. because there is no hope anymore.. i should proceed my studies.... if we have fate,we will meet again... if Buddha/Guan Yin don't want us to meet again, then we might meet in the next life.. i still love this guy..silently.. no one knows... until i have a new 'creation' by Buddha/Guan Yin.. then i will forget this boy... but so far..nobody... and i do not want any relationship anym...

='( feel like want to cry de... so boring... ='( i sleep for so long.... now only want to start doing my work.. i know already, i cannot study at home... ='( i only can study in college... why??? why like that wan... ='( at home i don't feel like study... sighhh... no one can understand... i want go college also cannot... T_T i feel that my life now no meaning already lor... ='( why my life suddenly so black geh...... everything also gone wan... T_T ='( why like that wannn...... who can tell me... sigh sigh sigh... ! i hate my life lar... =''(

so hard to forget the person you love in your life.. i think my 3rd relationship is true love... but i have to let it go because i know i has no more chance. =''( what i can do now is to cry and move on... cry as much as i can to release all my emotions... next time, if i have any problems, i will not tell my parents and my brothers anymore... i will settle by myself... because i don't want to be a troublemaker anymore.... i just keep in my heart.... silently tell my best friend only... usually i tell my best friend, but we long time no contact, that's why we feel not really close anymore.. =''( if i know earlier this problem will occur, i should tell her... then i can take her advise.. but it's too late.. what i did, i have really really regretted... =''( i am serious.. there is no more chance anymore.... maybe next life, got chance.. but this life no more chance anymore.. because i don't want anything to happen again if this...

if one day, i fall in love again, what should i do??? if one day, i see the person who i fall in love, what should i say??? if one day, a person telling me 'i love you' what should i respond??? if one day, i got hurt again, how would my feelings again??? if one day, i really cannot my first true love, where should i go??? i found out that this time was my true love, but it ends with a broken heart... i know i should not continue, but it seems hard.. everyone is againsting me... so i have to let go... but my heart is suffering... still suffering.... i do not know why i can become like this... and i found out that first true love~~ could not forget...but can be forgiven... it might be true...only future will tell... i read some articles.... to help me up to forget my true love, but most of the people said that true love will not forget.. it remains forever... =''( how to continue my life??? can anyone tell me??? =''( read my...

since the situation in my life like this, i should forget everything... i have no choice... but how to forget??? can someone teach me??? this is what i mean actually.. it's all written in this blog.. thanks to this person who wrote this.. click and read..! You never forget your first true love i am serious..that's all what i mean... i just couldn't explain all out... to tell the whole world, so far i got 3 times of boyfriends, but when i was young ( i mean during my primary and secondary school)... i don't take my relationship with my 2 ex boyfriend so serious... because last time i thought that 'aiya... i am still so young and available..lol...' and somemore my relationship with them only few months.. ( like 3-4 months only) and also we rarely talk...that time i don't have handphone yet...so we like don't care each other..lol.. so i don't take my relationship with my 2 ex until so serious like now.. truthfully speaking, i only ca...

i don't want to spoil our friendship... why you don't want to reply me back?? or either my cousin?? what happen to you??? my type of person, i don't want to spoil friendship... even worst... after we break up, i want to maintain friendship... but i need time to forget my feelings for you...takes very long ok... swt== i just respect your decision..because it's like that lar....= = why you like avoiding me??? ='( i know... that day i used your cousin name to register facebook and say things.. i know you are very angry.. i admit..i am wrong... sorry.. i just want to show you that i sad mar.. maybe you never read my blog..who knows right...='( that time i also really cannot control my feelings.. and if i add you back as friend, you will not accept me right??? you say leh??? why can't we become friends and talk again like last time we talk in the beginning? that day i cried too much because i could not accept the fact... we play,laugh,study and ...

i was thinking... the longer i stay at home, the more i sad... so... saturdays and sundays i wanna go college and study... hmm... if at home, i sure cannot study wan lor... ='( mondays to fridays maybe i will come back very late.. like 7.++pm only reach back home.. today i reach back home 8pm... i hope my parents won't get angry.. ='(  i don't know i should do it or not... for the seek o my studies.. i want to get good results... some people just bully me because i am not smart.. they think i am worthless.. FINE.... if i get good results, and you near me...i will be arrogant too.. i don't care... you are the one who treated me like ' garbage bin' so mean... i really don't like this kind of people.. you think i am not smart.. you think that i cannot teach you or either you cannot learn anything form me.. this is not true friend.. true friends don't care whether you are smart or not... so... i don't know whether my decision should...

i went to college and have basic taxation tutor class... hmm... i feel disappointed lor.. T_T lucky one of my good friend, Jolene, she helped me.. i borrow those notes from her... she is so kind... unlike others.. when i ask, they would not reply... ='( i appreciate have this friend.. anything i ask for help, she will willing to help..and yet she let me take back home and refer... i am sure i will not copy directly.. tonight, i will study basic taxation... now in the afternoon, i will study entrepreneurship first... because i brought the textbook... the basic taxation textbook is very heavy, so i don't want to bring.. and now i just don't know why... my stomach and head very pain... ='( what happen to me o... i just don't want to let anyone know... just myself.. i feel my stomach getting more and more pain these few days.. my body also feel pain.. my head also pain... i also don't know what's my problem.. and i was keep thinking about th...

i wonder this year, i am 19 years old.. i feel that life so cruel... i thought life is wonderful...but..... actually it is like challenge... ='( the more i grow up, the more i know.... why people nowadays so cruel de??? ='( i really cannot understand.. they become so selfish, greedy... and everytime think of themselves only... what they want, they just make their own decision... they never think of other people's decision.. ='( why like that wan.. T_____T they think about themselves and their career.. they don't care about others... why they are so cruel??? do they know that they are just hurting people's feelings??? as for my previous blog.. i said that my friend left out one book... and she can't give me anymore.. my mummy was telling me that she is like want to do me.. it is like she wants me to spend more money... and also she thinks that i am the type of person can make fun, then she make fun.. and many things lor...='( people ou...

today i never go college, i change the time to friday class... today, in the morning i went out with my family... we went to the new building ( just built some time already) is something like 1 utama..but not yet hot lar.. lol... and it is quite messy and dirty... the supermarket is tesco.. and i think the things there might be more expensive.. tesco not yet launch... so cannot go.. ='( so after that, walk there walk here... then lunch time go eat lunch... i don't know why today like no appetite to eat... =_____= then after that my brother and his friend, my jie jie.... 3 of us go to 1 utama... and we went to Hokkaido Ichiba..lol... and first time i ate there... the sushi was very nice... thanks to my jie jie treat me.... next time i have to treat her back in future when i start working.. Heehee... so after that, we go walk walk walk... walk until 4pm, then come back home... i was tired... then i rest awhile... now only can blog... today i feel different......

my pet sister.. haiyaya... if a boy want leave you already, you cannot do anything ma.... right??? just let it be..sad for awhile,( few days, few weeks, few months or even worst.. few years)... just cry and emo until you forget the feelings... no need to scold or make him shame... you know??? very bad you know.. i am not like that... i show my emotions on how i feel.. i never even think of making a person who left me shameful.. nono...very bad you know.. you can just show how you feel... show that your feelings for him is real and make him regret because he left you... you should make him regret and continue your life... although you cannot stand the hatred or anger, you have to stand... for me, i have no hatred or anger or revenge... because this is life..people choose their love... these few days i keep crying at night before i sleep... because maybe my feelings want to take out everything permanently, then i can move on my life... i am serious... i never ha...

one day, the wind blow there blow here.... then the cloud suddenly appear and make the sky become more white... everyday they are together and can feel each other,.. they promise to be together no matter what happens, both of them have many similarities, but different attitude and behaviour… and also, one is male, one is female… the wind is male, the cloud is female… day by day... as usual.. it is all the same...  they play together and spend time together up the sky… then suddenly one day, the wind is starting to blow the cloud, asking the cloud to go to other place, because the wind want to see the other clouds... suddenly from nowhere... the wind is very strong and accidentally hit the cloud, what will happen to the cloud??? one day, the wind wonder where is the cloud, but it could not find the cloud anywhere... is the cloud missing forever....??? there are so many clouds but the wind feels that this cloud is ve...

Promises mean everything, once they are broken, no use saying sorry... sorry means nothing.. why?? because promise have been break, it only hurt and has no trust anymore... ~~ ='''( I don't hate the person who turn me down, i am just very disappointed that the person turned into a different person... everything it said it will never be... ='''( A true relationship.... yes, i did tell everything about me.... no secrets and no lies.... if one day, i have a relationship again, it will be the same as me?? meaning that, he will tell me everything?? will not keep any secrets and no lies??? well, see the future.... is this true about boys??? they will flirt around but before they go to sleep, they always think about the girl they truly care about??? really true??? because i am not a boy.. =_____= what about girls???  yes... i am a girl..... i have a lots of crushes, example, jay chou and wang ...

i say i am lonely... why??? i never simply say... really... if you come across my life, then you will know.. why i want you so much??? everyday, my daddy do his own things like doing housework,sleeping and watching tv.. he like don't really care about me.... just sometimes come in to my room and say what i am doing...then close the door.. or sometimes want to go out, just ask me whether want to go or not... mummy leh, she works part time job, then come back, she always say she is tired and wants to sleep... and do housework somemore... then after finish all the work at home, she go to bed already.. sometimes only come my room and talk with me.. but she never want to know my problem wan... ='( she always talk to me other people's problems... if i say out, she will scold me...if i say out, she don't like.. how leh?? so i just listen lor... but i really cannot stand sometimes... she always say this and that... but a little bit also not my problem.. is other peopl...

why do some couples get along together then when they break up like nothing happen??? both of them can be happy... like no feeling like that... why i cannot be like this???=''( so long already i still have the same feelings... i don't know when only my heart can cure... very uncomfortable with my life now... i could not stand the feelings and pressure... ='( why must people treat me like this??? i never do anything wrong also.. ='( although now i am studying... i can focus...but my heart very pain... really hard to breath... and today morning i don't know why i came to my room keep crying.. all of the sudden crying.. i also don't know what happen to me... ='( why like that one.... who can tell me??? who can heal my heart??? i want someone heal my heart, then i can release a bit... why my 19 years old life so bad de??? =''( is it my luck for this year very bad??? ='( i don't want... ='( why like that wan.... i did w...

since i so boring now... i do blog first.. then i study... Heehee... Principles of Finances(PF).. why your assignment so hard wan... but nevermind lor..i still can make you... hahaha... i am finding details about you... hope you help me too huh... and also, err.... can you go into my brain??? i want some facts.. LOL... =P after making you.. i am going for Financial Accounting... or Entrepreneurship?? which one more better??? =_____= aiya...nevermind lar.. study as much as i can.. so i can understand and can do well in exams.... Ah HeeHee... =P i go and make you ok PF... ;-)

just now i watched one movie.. is an indonesia movie... wow, the boy want to be a businessman... he keep trying and trying...but still fail.. but what??? he changed business... then in the end, he became rich..wahh... i watched this movie for 2 hours... later going to study and do homework lor... since i have nothing much to do for today... i study and focus and do my best... hopefully one day i can be like someone... someone high... =D don't give up on anything... especially studies and your hope on anything... try your best... and in life... i know.. people always think of money.... so i have to be like this.. in this life... i have to change myself... i don't want to be low status let people look down at me... there are many people around me look down at my family and I.. so i have to be success... let the past go off... let the future come... =) must be happy in life.. cannot be sad.. what happen to us also must be happy... we only live once.. we s...

whole night yesterday, when i was sleeping... dreaming that i am in wonderland... noo.... you cannot have girlfriend... if not i will cry more... ='( why like that de??? my heart pain from morning until now.. my stomach also very pain.. =''( why like that one....  ='( and i just wake up because i don't want to feel the pain.... now i feel the pain...it is very pain.. but i cannot sleep anymore... i sleep very long already... ='( when only can my heart be healed??? ='( my emotions now are unstable... when only can be ok.... can i go back to form 5 after spm??? the feeling is so nice when i was in form 5..... ='''( now totally different... my life now very sad.... my heart really very pain.. no one knows... no one understand my feelings... when only i can get love and care back??? why these people all like that one.... they act as they don't know... =''( how can~~ i try to forget everything also need to take time...

i don't know whether you got come to my blog and read or not... but i guess you won't...because you already don't want me right??? and also you are very angry and hate me already right??? and who knows...maybe you will come..but probably not... ='( i guess, this is the final...really final.... ='''( that day i said of giving up and continue with my life without you.. but i did not manage to do so...but now i think i have to..if you don't believe, you can see it.. i already never see your profile for last 2 days... because i have to forget about you... i know you already block me, but i got other accounts..i can view anytime...but i cannot control if i see your profile...so i have to stop.... i don't want to do these thing all already...do what?? disturb you lar..i don't want to disturb you anymore.... i know you don't like it.... the more i see, the more i do stupid things and make you more angry and hate me... i know...certain t...