WeLcome 2 Mickey Jayin page =)

when i replied ok... means i am not ok... when i replied fine.. means that ok... when i replied 'like that lor'... means i am seriously not ok.... when i replied 'normal lor'... means i need someone to make me happy.... when i replied 'not really good'... means i am deeply hurt in side.. when i replied 'good'... means i am normal for today... can i say out his name??? i don't want to get emo anymore... ='( sometimes i feel like going to that place to find him.... i also can feel that my attitude has changed... i getting to hate boys very soon like last time... it's like.... the old me... last time i got hurt before... and i changed... my current attitude... when i go out with my friends, family or whoever... maybe alone...when boys look at me.. i don't care... except my friends, my brother and my father..haha.. just that.... time pass not fast enough... how could i change my feelings for another person??? i still cannot ...

to my mummy, Lydia... until now, we spend so much time together... we play, we laugh, we scold, we eat, we drink, we go to bus to college and elsewhere, we smile, we argue, we stare, we love, we like,..... and many more.... *love* i really love to spend time with mummy.... since when i broke up with my bf..i don't know who can change my life.... my life turned into dark.. i thought of committing suicide... but when i think back... i still have my family.. especially my parents... i love my parents so much.. that's why i always listen to them... i was very stubborn... i was really a bad girl last time.. time goes by.. day goes by... i learn many things, mummy.... i learn how to listen, i learn how to depend on myself, i learn how to mix around with friends... maybe i don't have friends last time, it's because i was stubborn, i was very arrogant.. i always think i am right...really... i am usually like this kind of person.. and i always scold people for no rea...

whenever i listen to sad song, it reminding me of you... whenever i see people outside, it reminding me of you.... whenever i look around the street, it reminding me of you.... whenever i look up at the sky, it reminding me of you... whenever i heard some noise, it reminding me of you.... whenever i turn behind, it reminding me of you..... whenever i close my eyes, it reminding me of you..... whenever i open my eyes, it reminding me of you..... many more emotions... i listen to sad song, because it mostly related to love...i still love you.... i see people outside, because their faces just like you... i still miss you... i look around the street, because you might be there... i still want you... i look up at the sky, because you might be looking at me... i still want you... i heard some noise, because i was hoping is you... i still miss you... i turn behind, because i want you to hug me forever... i still love you... i close my eyes, because hoping that you can see ...

Lovers cannot last long??? Lovers can last long??? Sometimes, your lover leave you, or... sometimes... your lover pass away... sometimes.... you leave your lover.... the saddest thing is that you or your lover pass away... one of you cannot see again anymore.. our life still have to go on no matter what happen... what i can say now is that i learn a lot since when i was young until now... i learn to listen although i am very stubborn.... i learn to let go things although i love it so much.... i learn to make decision on my own.... i learn to think what is right and what is wrong.... i learn to be a happy girl.... i learn to be a wonderful girl... and many more.... my past experiences... i always never listen to my parents... i do what i like and in the end.... i cried because it hurts me... i always want the thing i want... my parents said 'no' but i take it.. in the end, i get it and i cried... i always force to listen parent's decision although i don...

i never say anything to you.. i never assume you bad person or what.. i never assume anyone... i just feel this world so unfair.... i never do big big wrong things... but my life is so suffering... what is my last life karma??? what i do wrong last life??? you tell me??!! you just tell me!! i always listen to mummy daddy..only once in a while i stubborn.. i never listen to them..that when i was a little kid... when i am growing, i always listen to my mummy and daddy.. investment~~ mummy asked me don't do.. i never do already.... ask me to come back home early... i come back home early... ask me to buy food.. i buy food.... ask me to forget the boy i loved.. i will try my best to forget.... ask me to sleep early..i listen... and many more!! what wrong i do until a big sin??? tell me!! NOT FAIR.... NOT FAIR.. ='( i not satisfy with my life... i not that rich, cannot spend more money... maybe in future i can become rich if i work hard..ok fine... i got lo...

i was wondering.... if we never listen to parent's advise...will it be a karma??? err.... i do not know because i haven't go through yet... hmm..... and i haven't die leh..lol.... better said as i haven't go to the next world yet..xD i know as for my teachings, most important is listen to parents.. if not that is the biggest sin... oppss..... myself, i don't know what i am doing.. but i know sometimes i am very bad girl.. i don't want to listen to my parents... end up i got punish.. this is all created by God... i knew it... sometimes i accidentally hurt my parents because i am stubborn.. then i get a bad sign... end up crying.. LOL.... =( that's the thing... i have sin... so, sometimes we have to listen to our parents no matter what.. it's for our own good.... whether their decision for you is right or wrong.... majority will be right... why??? because they are more experience and more mature than us... look at your age and your parents ...

listen to me.... it's been nearly 5 months.. i still not yet forget the boy i loved... but my feeling is confuse.. @_@ haiz haiz haiz.... don't know what to do for life... but i want to enjoy... enjoy enjoy to get a better and happier life.... i love my family.. and my friends... if can want to spend time with them always... this semester break will be very boring... so i was thinking that i want to download all jay chou's movies and concert... i want him to accompany me...lol.... let me see all his things..lol....hehe... ok.. time to go out.... take care and have a happy dinner... =)

i don't know i sounds right or wrong... but i was just thinking.... sometimes i feel like don't want to have boyfriend~~ it's because~~ 1. i don't want to be hurt... 2. i don't want he to lie at me.... 3. i don't want him to make me sad.... and others... do you know, the feeling is like.... some glass break your heart.. when you found out that the person you loved....~~ love another person... parents refuse.... something block.... seriously.... =( sometimes.... love..... i know we have to trust and to be honest.... but human nature.... there are minority people who are like this.... so if you really love the person, just be with that person... doesn't matter parents refuse or something block such as studies, working, places or what... just that your love for that person is real.... no matter where you both live... it's like you both are together... just right beside each other... get what i mean??? sometimes.... we are young... we are n...

mix up by everyone... i have many boys friends...many girls friends.. ok.. let us don't talk about my girls friends ok... i don't want to become lesbian again..lol since when i was in primary school, many people called me lesbian.. because i am not interested in boys..LOL.... what the hell... >< ok.. now...i mean when i was standard 5... i date a guy... and we like each other.. lol... i think kinda long... just like..no love,..because last time we don't know how to love each other.. haha... ok now.... nono... secondary school.... got people called me lesbian again.. LOL.... what the... hell... >< i just feel uneasy when people calling me lesbian... i just don't like boys because i scare lar...last time i very of boys wan.... so i don't like to mix with boys... just that i got some boys.. but i never together with them... first thing, it's because i don't want to get hurt.... because i remembered when i was form 1.. i got hurt by my goo...

my daddy and mummy who are also my close friends(Lydia and Jon) i missed you two so much...lol.... i don't know why... haha... i want to hang out with you guys very soon... but this friday is your anniversary... somemore mummy don't know can go on friday or not... if cannot go out, then thursday celebrate your anniversary lor...heehee.... by the way... i want to ask daddy, how can i get back my memory card wor??? i missed my songs and everything.. lol so many thing i missed now.... i missed daddy and mummy...i missed my memory card.. i missed going to college.. hahaha... sot already.. @_@ i just hope to see you again.... ^o^ anything wrong, have to tell your this youngest manja daughter yaa... she is here to help you two always.. ^o^ no matter what happens, she will always be mummy and daddy side.... just don't hurt her can already..... because very hard to make her happy back... ^o^.... i wish i could meet you two again... happy family..... don't wor...

oh my goodness... today seriously i am a good girl... so called.lol....=P i stay at home whole day..and never go out.. hahaha sad case...but nevermind... err.... i was thinking.... how is the feeling when you like someone who is already taken??? how is the feeling when you like your best friend's brother/sister??? how is the feeling when you like a person who is younger than you??? LOL.... i wonder.. and wonder.... who can tell me??? =) the major question is how is the feeling when you like your best friend's bf/gf??? oh my..this is going to be very hard..hahaha... ah ha... i am thinking... how is the feeling when you like your teacher/lecturer's son/daughter??? LOL hahaha.. i wonder and wonder... hoho.... i hope i can mingle around.. i just don't want to get into a seriously relationship anymore... unless that boy.... THAT BOY!!.. don't know who..lol... he wants to be with me forever...until we die.... ok.... i will try my best to cherish him.... ...

i hate being single....='( because i am not use to it... time faster go....let me graduate faster.... let me graduate until advanced diploma... let me success quick quick... or maybe better... let me get a steady boyfriend..xD then we can study together..xD now stay at home...so boring..... this thursday is last exam.... ahhh..don't know how is my results... just let it be.... i will try my best to advanced diploma.. heehee or maybe higher??? hohoho time faster go.... faster go..... i want to do other things in the future....=P i don't like this kind of life........ let my feelings be free...... how can I do it??? HAPPY LUNCH TIME EVERYONE..... will blog later or soon...

i am still young, still immature... not yet grown up... don't know how to think properly... and sometimes assume people this and that.... yes...i got do wrong.... but all human also got do wrong.... to my mummy...i am really sorry for assume you.... but what you told me that day.. just forget it... fine...forget it... until now you never bit me... haha... that's the way...you shouldn't bit me..xD =P err...mummy ahh.... i know you and daddy sure got privacy wan... sometimes i feel like hanging out with you.. can hang out ma??? unless you two got special date..like anniversary, or anything lor... if like normal day, can i hang out with mummy daddy ma??? i just don't know why, hang out with you two, i feel like you two like my brother and sister..lol... it's like i am very happy... i can forget everything on that time... i just feel like enjoying with you two... as long as got you two together...i am happy...lol... of course with my family also happy....

i went out with my mummy and daddy ( Lydia and Jon) my this two close friends..lol....  i treated them as my parents.. xD in the morning... i woke up and couldn't sleep back... why??? it's because someone appear in my mind again... i just don't know why.. and i cried for hours...== hmm... i think around 2 hours plus i was emo.. and keep listening to music... so until my mummy message me, i am ok abit... and i suddenly sleep back.. because my mind like he is gone away for awhile.. lol... then... i eat before going out... eat already, go to masjid jamek and took star line to hang tuah.. wow..i nearly got lost..xD i went myself..so independent.. ^o^ mummy and daddy taught me, so i know how to go..just not sure.. =P then i reach first... so while waiting for them..i better go toilet.. when i come out, i thought they haven't reach because mummy said train very slow at maluri..haha.. so i think that, aiya. go toilet for awhile lar..xD then i come out from to...

this 2nd year, 1st semester, i don't care i got fail in my exams.. just resit... because it's all starts from...~~ i don't want to say it here..... emotional still there... really affected my studies... need joyful life for awhile... need peace for awhile... i don't care.... i will work this semester break....(depending i got job or not) i don't want go holiday... really no mood... if mummy and daddy want to go holiday.. why not semester 1 or 2??? why must be so coincidence now??? after i break up only want me to be happy... want to bring me go for holiday.... you two proposely or what wan??? especially mummy.... when semester 1 and 2,  i want go holiday... you scolded me to stay at home and study... i cried so much also never know my feelings... =( i want go Penang find him... that time we haven't break up.. so i want go there... he came on November... so i thought of going during my semester 2 holidays... why cannot??? why you must scold...

i am ok means that i treat people good... unless i accidentally say wrong things~~ err..... since july...i think... i have been close to a girl... i called her mummy.... she is good, kind, and very very sayang me.. hahaha... xD =P sometimes i jealous... lol.. when i never go back home with her... but she is always in my heart.. xD now the thing is... my head is very pain...=( i don't know what to do now... seriously very pressure, and stress.. in my mind... there are a lot of bad and good things;... i want to forget the bad things.. but really don't know how to do.. =.= i want to forget the past.... but i don't know how to do it.. i don't know how to face it... everyone around me said that, i only can help myself... but who can guide me??? =( i really don't know how to face it..... time faster go..... i don't know i can stand my this 2nd year of diploma or not... really affected my studies until very bad... i really need someone to understan...

i wonder....... example me~~ i love a boy so long... so long already... this is call what love??? true love or puppy love??? and if a person, i called it 'A'....... love a person.. I called it 'B'.... A and B love each other so much.... and one day A left B..... then A said that it promises to wait for B.. for some kind of reason... but in the end A has another partner... what is this love means??? true love or puppy love??? my mummy ( my real mummy) told me that i love this boy was just puppy love..... but i don't think so... because until now i still deep feelings for him... and also... sometimes i see boys outside...some boys are a kind of him a little... my heart ache.. ='( still ache like a knife cutting me....='( i wonder... what love i had come true this time??? i know last time when i was young... since 6 years old... i love a boy.. and the boy loves me... we promise to find each other in future.. but i did find him.... he seems to f...

i am learning my life now how to let go... i know mummy is very strong... maybe sometimes i got say something that you angry or maybe hurt.... i am sorry.. =( just that sometimes i just follow my feelings.... i never think before i do things.. so i have tried my best to be careful when speak to you~~ sorry if i ever say wrong things to both of you... so far, i had treat you two as my sister and brother... hahaha of course.... i need to give you two privacy... i did promise to daddy that i let you two spend time, usually in the morning when you two go to that place...i hope you two know what place i am talking about...hahaha.... and sometimes i only make fun... this i know, sometimes make you two angry... i am sorry if i had make you two angry.... just having fun only... you two are good person.... that's why i want to be close with you two...^o^ sometimes i feel grateful when i found you, mummy.... because you made my life happier now..and not so lonely... maybe m...

my management accounting fundamentals is very poor..i hope i can do it.... haizz~~ people out there, if you know i have exams starting from tomorrow~~ please wish me good luck~~ i want my results to be better as before~~ hmmm =( just now actually want to study, but need to follow family go 1 utama, just for the free ice-cream~~ it's nice.. but i want to study~~ haizz.... nevermind~~ i just hope i can do my exam~~ my mind now is affected of many things~~ many bad past things~~ i hope i can forget everything~~ everything in the past~~ really very sour and bad~~ ='( wish me luck~~!! got to study now~~ GOOD NIGHTS EVERYONE~~~~

the feeling when I am listening to slow song~~ the feeling when I am lonely~~ the feeling when I am alone~~ it's like I am only person in this world~~ no other boy I will fall in love~~ ='( why I cannot forget this boy??? can anyone tell me??? first time in my life~~ I couldn't except the fact of breaking up with someone I really loved~~ He is the one who chases me~~ He is the one who talks to me first~~ He is the one who wants to find me first~~ He is the one who confess his feelings for me first~~ Why all the sudden he did me like that~~ tears rolling down~~ it's useless~~ I have to except it but my feeling is stubborn~~ We did not talk to each other anymore~~ He might think I don't want to friend with him because he hurt me too much~~ I know that I am very stupid enough to still love him eventhough he hurt me so much~~ my feelings is just very stubborn~~ I don't know how to let go this feelings~~ I don't know how to learn things fast~...

this thursday is my first exam.. and i am still haven't sleep yet.... those answers for the past year, i am still yet to be done.. still have many... =( really a lot... *sad* i really do hope someone beside me supporting me... =( there is no one beside me supporting me anymore...=( i miss that person..but i still have to let go no matter what... that's his decision.. and also i got to let go....='( just that, sometimes i am lonely... haizzz.. whatever lor.... i just continue my life...~~ now i just panic and worry about my coming test.. really hard to cope up... i will taking 7 subjects.... a lot right??? tomorrow maybe will be having breakfast at old town i guess..=) i have to redeem the coffee, redeem it, if not i will waste it..lol i love coffee...haha...=P i am so sleepy now, but i want to study.... what should i do??? it's already 2.25am... my mind is still fresh about the past... ahhhhhh~~ i want to forget..................why can't forget!...

stupid life~~! really stupid life now!! why i love single life??? freedom~~ no need a boy to disturb....( but this i don't mind because if i really love a boy, he disturb me also i won't mind) hehe i can do anything i like... sometimes if i have boyfriend, he don't like this and that.. he wants me to do this and that... sometimes i don't like if he don't like this but i like..lol...and vice verse... ^o^ hmm... then i can spend more with my family and my daily life... i can listen music, write lyrics, do anything i like lor..^_^ i can mingle with friends.. boys and girls.. haha.... and many more~~~ why i hate single life??? lonely!! =( i see so many couples... they hold hands, some hug and laugh together... i think back of my ex boyfriend.. because i still love him deeply... haizz.. sad~~ ='( everytime alone... no one beside me...whenever i have nothing to do..i feel alone because no one to talk.. usually i am in college... i am usually alone.. hai...