that's it!

i do not want to play this and that with you anymore...
i see you so serious... ok lor....
do not worry... i will not hate and angry with you..
because this is your choice..
now i know, you want to get rid of me from your life...
that's it...what i do also you will avoid me as much as you can..
ok.. just do it... i will stop...! right now....
remember..you are the one who let me go...not i let you go...
enough..i do not want to play anymore...
i know this is childish.. sorry that i being childish..
i will not do this and that anymore...
i... myself... do not know what you are thinking about....
i will go for my future...
no use i keep on be like this...

i should change my life...
i cannot just stay like this..
everyone advising me to proceed my career first..
but why am i so impatient???
i am just 19, i can get into a relationship anytime...any moment...
the thing is i still have deep feelings for this person..
everyone told me to let go and get to my highest level...
then i can be a successful woman...
to tell the whole world.. it is tough....extreme.. ==

and i just told one of my closest friend,
she told me i have to becareful next time...
she said my face and type of person very easy get cheated..== lol..
true also what she told me...
i am innocent girl..
i am kind person...
although i am rude and hot tempered,
but i always think of people first...unless i could not control my feelings..
if it is man to be, what should i do???

yesterday i have a chat with my big brother...
he told me that human nowadays want easy life..
so they study to get to their highest level and earn a lot of money,
yupz yupz...i know it..but....
what about relationship??
my mummy told me that people nowadays do not cherish any relationship...
that's why so many divorcee in this world..
i do not want to be like this... ='(
if i have family next time..
i want happy family....
i do not want broken family.... ='(
i want loving and care family..
i do not want fighting, arguing and all those negative things happen to me... ='(
it is very hurtful you know....

and also,~~
i want my future husband to treat me good whole life...
although we argue, quarrel and blame each other,
i want we still loving as our heart stick together forever...
because i know...
i will truly love him forever..
i would not change heart so easily...
i am a sincere girl..and always know...
if i have a boyfriend or husband...
i will not take other people feelings...
it will hurt him only..
the feeling is very disaster...
only the person can feel it..

if weak person, need to take longer time....months??? years??? ='(
if strong person, maybe few weeks??? ='(

who knows right??
i just do not want life got war...
i want sweet. love and peace..
if not enough money,i will not fight too...
sure got many ways to get money to live..
fight for what??? ='(
argue for what??? ='(
just ruin the relationship only... ='(
if fight and argue, can get back together, that's different thing already...
i just do not now what really people think nowadays...
i am afraid to get into a relationship again..
because people change..
i also can change..==
but see how people react to me...

that's it... life should go on...
what i do not have now is over already...
do not want to think already...
i should go forward not backward...
now already week 3...another 11 more weeks....
so far ok....i hope i can faster graduate...
i miss the place i always want to go... ='(
when only i can go??? ='(
my life not happy... ='(
i hope my brother can make me happy....
he is the one who always make me happy....
i very appreciate got this brother...
what i want to tell out and express out,he is willing to listen...
how nice if i have a boyfriend like this...
i can share my problems with him....
and he can take my heart..make me better..
be like this forever...
i sure sayang him until crazy de.. ==
and will give him what he wants...
if a boy really care for my feelings, what he wants i sure do for him.
unless bad things la..>< and sometimes if i cannot control my temper...
who knows... ='(
everyone has temper...but i have to change...
so far so good..anyways...
i got to go sleep...
somedays i sleep at 10,11pm....
somedays i sleep at 12am..sometimes 1am...sometimes 2am.latest 2am..
because i could not sleep..you all should know why...
and now..i guess it's over...
so.... yea.. i should....
and will start changing myself..
get busy everyday...from morning until at night..
then sleep at 11pm...
that's it...
i do not want to play anymore...
the more i do, you will hate and angry of me..i know that...
so i will not play anymore....

so.....
GOOD NIGHTS!
will blog tomorrow if free.... maybe at night before sleep...
HAVE A NICE DAY WORLD....!!!