why i don't want boyfriend anymore???

 actually i want A boyfriend...
but whenever i get a boyfriend...
he always hurt me.. ]
how good i treat him also he will hurt me in the end..
and guess what??? he is the one who chase me first...
and that is the thing... my feelings is too soft until i fall in love...
and that is the thing also... i will get hurt in the end...
my studies drop badly... very badly..
tomorrow is my results...
i don't know i can at least pass all or not....
i was thinking of giving my daddy rm160 with my own money if i fail many subjects....
=( i am hurt, i am sad, i am depress, i am disappointed and many other feelings...
i never been in this feeling before...
first time in my life...
that's what i learnt my lesson...
not to fall in love too much....
not to stay too close...
i was stubborn..i never even listen to my parents...
i thought i was right.. but i was wrong at the same time
because i never get... i never feel... i never know the feeling before...
my mummy told me.... i will get hurt in the end..
but i never listen and deny.. won't lar... he is good....
i thought every boy treat me good is really a good boy..
but no... he can change anytime....
i know some people never get like what i feel...
but just to remind..
don't too over him...
don't too close to him...
don't always talk to him...
don't always spend time with him....
don't always think of him..(how???)
you can do your own work.. treat him as your best partner or best friend....
this might work..i don't know....
because i am waiting for my 2nd relationship...
i was in a relationship many times.. but some is just playing..
because i never take serious...
and when i am in deeply love...i was hurt...
like a rock smashing my heart...
smash until cannot heal back...
i might be not treating him good...
but my heart keeps telling me...
i did treat him good...
i gave him freedom... i gave him what he wants...
now only i realize.... what my parents everything are for my own good..
from now on... no matter who advise me..i just take it as my 2nd choice..
i will always listen to my parents first...
if they made wrong decision for me... i won't blame them..
because i know. human can do mistakes....
i just don't want to get hurt again....
a rock smashing a heart.. how do you feel???
painful..... i cannot even listen to sentimental song..
and many other things..i don't want to mention again....
i will change to a better person
i was arrogant... and always think i am right...
and i was hot-tempered...
i promise myself..i will change...to a better person...
sadhu sadhu sadhu..i hope God helps me...
i will concentrate in my studies from now on....

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