thoughts

i went to wrong road, wrong way...
but i did not blame anyone...
at first, i blamed my mummy...
she is the one who always said that Accounting good for me...
what good things???
she replied...
good for future..
good for family's budget...( if my future husband don't know about accounting stuff) lol =P
good to know the whole world economics..
and whatsoever larh.. haha..=P
i was naive... i just listen to her...

then.. i have this boy.. which is my long lost friend...
actually he was my boyfriend before..
he also in accounting course..
he promised me to study together until graduate..
but he left me..yup...of course i am very sad....
then i also blame him for not commit this promise.. =(
i was so so so so naive..
my brain so immature...

always listen to others...
what i got after that???
do you know???
now i am suffering...no one knows...i mean outside people..
only my family know it..
i am suffering... finishing this accounting course..
because i told them..i went wrong road..
they told me, try your best..

i am not that kind of person who just like study life..
i want outside life... i want to mix with friends..
travel around the world...be a famous person one day...
who do you think i want to be???
guess yourself...
add- thank you to my friend, Lydia, because she brought me to a consultant.. <3 p="p">
and it is not i want to act that i don't want to be friends with my friends..
especially my close friends...
i told them, the consultant said that i always have problems with friendship..
so i don't want to be close to anyone starting from that time..
i just let go of them sometimes..and be close to them sometimes..
you all cannot blame me.. this is the way i born... i am really sorry...
why i do like this....
because let me tell you all..

1. what if we argue again???
2. what if we break our friendship again???
3. what if we are close friends turn into enemy??? ( i don't want this happen again)

do you all know???
i guess 'he', my ex-boyfriend... we broke up because we are too close..
no matter what happens..i just don't want to repeat it anymore..
please understand my feelings...
not i don't care.. not i don't want to be with you all...
i don't want any argue, fight, become enemy...
my heart hurts... you know??? your hearts hurt also right???
you don't know how suffer when my friendship/ relationship with friends broke...
you don't know because you can't feel...the real feeling...

i am sorry if i am stubborn.. but i know that my attitude and behaviour changed a lot..
i will always try my best to be a better person for everyone...
you don't know my past..and i don't want to say anymore...
i don't like it... i hope you all understand me...

sometimes...
what people say through their mouth is fake...
what is true is from their heart..
you know???

if i don't care about somebody..
why i want to worry???
why i will still talk to them???
why i still mention their names???
am I right??? you know???

conclusion... i don't like breaking up friendship..
i don't want to repeat this anymore..
i feel really hurt...and i always miss them if they are not around...

please understand my feelings... not i evil... not only for my own good.. is for OUR( you and me)..