speechless

I started to feel that I couldn't trust anyone anymore..
it's not like me anymore... I feel like I'm like different person..
not Jayin... it's like different.. you know what I meant???
I uhm... I just don't know... don't know how to say...
but I feel like I always make wrong decision..
When I do this, no one care for me... They said I'm wrong...
When I helped people, some of them never appreciate...
it's like they are just using me...
I being kind to them... but it seems like I cannot do it anymore...
only those who always show one face, I will show my kindness...
but to those who I can feel... I can see through my eyes...
they have two faces... I don't so trust them anymore...
Those who lied at me.. I don't even trust them anymore..
It's true that I'm naïve... I always think that when people help me,
I will treat them very good and think they are the best...
but I don't know in future still the same or not..
I just don't want people to take me for granted..
I don't want people to just friend me just like that..
not treating me good... it's like a toy...
I really feel not happy about it...
But the one I want to realize out,
I just don't know why I couldn't say it out...
I feel very pressure, stress, and even patient...
Why can't people just treat me as they treat others???
doesn't mean that I'm not smart in studies,
I'm not good in everything..
Doesn't mean that I think slow,
I will be a failure person...
Doesn't mean that I'm naïve,
I cannot think properly...
you know what??? My brain is mature.. just that my behavior is naïve...
I'm being kind...

I hope that everything will be okiee.....
God bless me.. even my family... ^___^
Hope that everyday I can be happy always..
whenever I realize my feeling here..
no one knows... but I feel better...
I don't know who to share..
I just don't want to give anyone trouble..
They will don't like.. maybe they don't even want to listen..
How sad right???
it's okieess.... I understand... =)

Good nights...
Sweet dreams... ^___^

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