heartbroken NOT angry

I never angry to my best friend, unless she really did something ridiculous to me..lol..
just that, i was very heartbroken that she choose another person instead of me..
i wonder did she ever treat me as her best friend???
last time, i mean previous semester which is the 6th semester,
whenever go to lecture, i want to sit with her, she let me to...
even Moral she let... but what about now???
she is like avoiding me sitting with her..
i know, she wants to sit with that person.. but why when I ask first for today,
she is like never think of my feelings???
whenever she has problem, she tells me, asking me what to do. how to solve..
but whenever she don't have, she is like pushing me away..
since i told her that i'm a repeat student,
she acted differently.. it's like not my best friend anymore...
we did have fun together... but i feel it is empty...
do you know what is the meaning of 'empty'???
means i don't feel any special feelings...
i know..i'm not smart.. but i'm smart in other things..
i choose the wrong path.. but i know i can do it no matter what...
just that, i wonder, did she looked down at me???
did she thought that all the while, i was a stupid student???
or a blur person who don't know how to do anything???
or either an innocent person who always can help her, so it's sound like using me???
i just don't know how to deal with her..
why she is like avoiding me whenever she doesn't want anything???
why can't we be together???
i'm not angry at all... it's not i don't like or don't let her sit with her friend..
just that, i want to sit with her during class...
i want to sit with my best friend... like that also she don't know???
or she didn't treat me as best friend before???
if she did not treat me as one before, then why going out together???
when i was in primary and secondary schools, i usually hang out with my best friend..
whenever i ask for her, she said yes.. sometimes of course no..lol...
there are just many things around me... why??? =(
i forgive you for what you had done to me last time..
i had forgot about it.. because you are best friend...
now treating me like that again???
do you know.. if you have a best friend, and you want to be with her always,
but she said she wants to be with another person, how you feel???
if i were ask you earlier... i know what you will reply..
' people also need freedom, not to follow own will'
am I right??? if not, then must be other thing...
even you are with her, does she give you anything to you???
does she helped you anything???
she is being selfish to you, she doesn't care about you..
even think of herself only...
you know what... i'm the one who keep giving you things..
what you want, i tried my best to give you..
why can't you realized??? it's not too late to realize...
please... the people around you are not so important like me...
even i ask you things, i must ask you a few times, then you will give me..
you told me what i ignore your questions...
but what about you??? you are the same, don't realized??? think about it...
i have been patient to you 10 weeks in this semester..
why can't you realize which friend is more important???
you know what.. maybe i'm way too soft hearted... my emotional is very high...
which leads to sensitivity in feelings...
you don't know how i feel..really...

i don't want to say out, because i want you to know yourself...
and you know what??? i don't feel like giving you anything anymore...
because you are like using me...you just don't realize what you had done to me..
humans always think they are correct... never wrong... it's okieee..
if i said leave me alone, i just want to be alone..
i really mean it..
i want to be alone.. i was lying to you actually..
i didn't meet up my friend.. if i was saying i'm alone to the library,you might tag along..
i just want to be alone.. don't disturb me..
you know what.. if you need anything, go and ask that person,  not me anymore...
you only have 2 important friends now.... NOT ME....
one from different class, one more is in your class...
i'm no longer important for you...
you hurt me so badly... it's enough...
i don't want to think and talk about it anymore..
you might be saying me too sensitive,
but if you are in my shoes, you will know how hurt it is...
if you come across to my blog here, you will know it's you..
i'm writing all these, it's because i want to tell everything clear and also not hanging..
well...