you hurt me so badly! ='(

If one day, you saw me at the beach side,

what you will do???

if one day, you saw me walking alone,

what you will say???

do you know???

you hurt me so badly...???

you said that you love someone else,

that person think and care about you,

you think it is long term or not???

and also you said you are not brave to explain to me???

then why you so brave love a person???

you say la... you should be brave explain and talk to me if you love someone else...

and~~

Do you think this girl can treat you good forever???

She might get fed up!

Not  like me… I won’t~~

you think properly...

i got do anything wrong until make you very angry meh???

if i do wrong also, i will change my mistakes..

and you should tell me what I did wrong…so I can change…

i know it is very hard..

why you treat me like this??

you think sorry can cure my heart and everything???

NO!! you do not know my feelings...

why you want to be like your ex???

WHY???!

your ex hurt you, you should know the feeling...

you should not hurt me like that....

i never think and care about you meh???

i got... if i never think and care about you,

then why when you come here, 

i stay with you???

you say leh???

i worry you that you go out and buy things and something happen you know...

you always tell me not to think too much.. you think what…where you go also I worry!!

Because I care for you….

that's why i follow you and want to protect you...

if i don't think and care about you,

i will come back home and just leave you there...

maybe I will sms you and say, ‘ah you go find the hotel by yourself, my bro called me’

or either, when reach hotel, I say, I want to go back de..

or either, I won’t buy food for you and ask you ‘Dear,I want food’…

and also when my parents came back from cruise,

I do not want to go back home, only the next day I think of going back home..

Do you know why??? Because I worry you!! I scare you know!

If anything happen to you, how I feel??? You say leh!!

Not I don’t want listen to you all, is I worry you stay there alone..

And one day also, you go back to jie jie house by taxi,

I tell you stay my house because so late de..

I angry because I worry you…I scare you got lost..

I know you are smart, but KL is not your place..

And taxi driver sometimes can bring you go other places..

You think I not worry meh??? Your head!! that day my heart keep beating…

I keep saying, ‘msg me msg me msg me’ I very worry you know!

If I never think and care about you, you think I will say these all ah huh???

And you think my phone, I will simply put there and here ah huh???

That day also, you want to book hotel, you ask me find also I help you..

What also I try to help you…I help you because I got think and care about you..

you want to come KL mar, then you don't know what to do, i guide you lor..

Moreoever, your assignments..i want help,  but you say no need..fine lor..up to you.

I listen to you…

ahh..i also got listen to you...

only sometimes i merajuk...

somemore, we play everything together.. laugh there and here…

why your heart change so fast???

you do not care about my feelings???

WHY???!

i never do anything wrong to you..

if got also I will realize wan…..

i promise you will change mar... you forget already meh???

and also....

i got think and care about you...

you smoke and drink beer...

i asked you to stop doing these because will affect your health..

not i don't want you to take..is really bad...

if i never say anything, means i never think and care about you right???

and also, when you come my house,you got feel that i take food and help you do this and that right???

although i got abit scold you because i don't want you to do like this..

i scare later mummy daddy don't like...

then...

you asked me not to do this and that...i never do.....

example, you told me not to eat durian...i never eat since you told me not to eat..(even though i so like it)

then, you asked me to study.. i study...i play less...i put in a lot of efforts..

that's why that day i feel pressure...and you never even reply me a msg... sure i feel abit depress..

and thinking, why you like don't care me anymore..~~ ='(

that day my whole course have to resit the test paper, that's why i not happy...

i msg you also you don't care.. ='(

then i call you and test you lor... this, i know is my fault, because when you are busy, i should not disturb you..

I am truly sorry.but i already say so many apologize to you and you do not want to reply me..

you are still angry of me..

i also do not know what's your problem...

so I thought just let you cool down and someday I will sms you..

and now you tell me these all..

you know or not....

you hurt me so much...

since we meet, i told you, i really like and care about you so much..

i sure got think about you...

if i never think and care about you,

you think I CARE you come back late ah huh???

I CARE!!

i everytime wait for your call at midnight wan you know...

sometimes i call you, but you never answer..so i thought you sleep already..

then i don't want to disturb you...

you think I CARE you wake up late go college ah huh???

I CARE!!

how tired am I also i force myself to wake up and call you..

unless i really really tired... 

but still i wake you up...

and how angry am I also I still forgive you,

like you call me small kid,and last time chinese new year, you went out with your cousin until midnight..

i still can remember...that incident i am very angry..

but i just say say only to you...

then what thing also i remind you...

that day when you don’t want to talk with me already,

I keep thinking, you go to school on time or not…

means you wake up already??? at college already???

Whether you can wake up or not..i worry you, you know….

and also, i was thinking, you ok or not??? 

where are you now???

what are you doing???

you feeling ok ma???

and your family ok ma???

why you never think back the past wan???

WHY???!

what also i tried my best to help you...

what also I tried my best to make you happy…

if I make you sad, I know I must do something to make you happy…

why are you so mean to me???

you think my heart can easily be healed???

no...!!

i need years... more than 3 years..

until now my heart still very pain..

i know...love cannot force...but you should know..

we gone through everything together...smoothly..

and you broke everything...

why???!

why can't you be patient...='(

i already said last time before we want to be together...is either a yes or no...

you already said yes... and promise also...

when you go back penang that day, you told me to study properly and get as high level as i can...

i am doing it...i am now pressuring myself in studies..

you do not understand my feelings...~~

i everytime think and care about you..

what I do also I think about you first..

if I do, then later if you ask, I cannot lie to you ma right???

How can we lie to each other~~so I think properly…if I do this, you don’t like..ok don’t do…

maybe i sleep late, that's the thing you don't like..

but sometimes i sleep early..

this is not a big deal...just the time of sleeping...

i want to sleep same time as you... 

when you ask me go sleep and you said got things to do,

i listen to you right??? you say leh??? got or not???

think properly....

you only never feel how I treated you...

if i say out... you will say, don't say so much.and things like that..

sure i don't want to say out lor..

i scare you don't like..

you say these all future..later only say..now study...

OK...now study... i study lor...

i tried my best to give you what you want already..

where i go also i think of you..i feel want to get the best thing for you..

then i was thinking, if we are together next time, i will everyday cook and give you what you want....i got tell myself, I will give my best and will sacrifice for you anything…

i can do anything for you.. why are you so mean to me now???

is that girl much more better than me???

you only haven't see the 'real me'....

you do not know how i treat people in real life..

i know...i have bad temper...

but i already change abit...you only cannot feel...i stand my bad temper when i feel angry..

i no more scold or what already...

what people want to do, just do..not my problem...

because I know… they will get angry..

and people doing their things, I won’t disturb..

you know~~

I changed my outfit..no more tomboy..you like it right???

You want to see me wear shorts and shirts..or either dress right???

And also wear sandels or high heels right???

I wear..I wore..!

I am no longer tomboy like what you saw me last time…

only i go college, i have to because of school rules...

And future I will reborn my hair into nice nice…

You see how sincere am I to you!

You only never see!! 

You only never feel!!

AND~~~

I already lost more than 10kg..you see how serious???

And my trousers and shirts are all very loss already…

I am getting thinner and thinner now…

How I want to forgive you??? You say leh???

How I want to forget you??? You say leh???

You do this is a very bad thing you know to me..

I never do anything as bad and hurt to you….

We do everything together..( I can’t say here)

And now you just tell me these all..

Why you never think about other people’s feeling???

Then you should not do like this…

You should tell me direct from last time before we are together...

Because of you, my semester 3 exams I cannot concentrate you know that..

I have been pressured myself to study..

I am very depress and feel very hurt…and add on..sitting for exams..

You can imagine or not???!

I tell myself..no..don’t think of him..

But somehow think of him..

Because I miss you marr…..if I talk with you awhile also mar ok..

Then yesterday you told me these all, I sadder…and pain!

And today is my results come out…my brother helped me to check…

Because I do not want to be even sadder..if not I will do something stupid..!!

YOU know.. 2 things make me depress!!

2 things come in one time...

Sure i might do something stupid la...

Because I cannot stand the pressure anymore…

Well,my results are out..i don’t want to tell you…the results were ok..

Just that I can do better if you were with me…

I just feel uncomfortable without you…

It’s been 1 year plus.. And you just silent yourself..

What are your intentions actually???

because of that day i rude to you, you straight don't want me already???

i already apologize so many times and will change...

you need to give me time..

I am not hating or angry of you..

I am just felt depress, hurt, been lie and been played by you…

This is like you are playing with my feelings you know…

You sweet sweet talk with me…

And now you sour sour talk with me..

How can….

I told you so many times, I do not want to get hurt anymore…

Seriously it’s very painful..

If you are in my shoe, you can feel how suffer am I right now…~~~

And~~

Yet you hurt me again..!

Like what you told me, we can remain friends but NOT now..

Because I want to concentrate my studies..

To tell you the truth, I cannot accept it…

Really…because I still love you… ( don’t know when only can forget the love and care)

I just don’t know why you do this harsh things to me..

If I know earlier, I will not be with you…

I only treat you as my brother..

Now your uncles, aunties, mummy and daddy very happy right???

And now turn to me, become sad and hurt right???

You feel nice or not do me like this???

You don’t feel guilty is it???

And you already know my family…

My family treated you so good..

Why treat me like this???

You hurt us you know..

even my family you hurt them...

Anyways,

This is your choice.. not all girls like me…

Only some..if you get the right one..then you are lucky..

Girls can get fed up of thinking and caring about you..

And also doing housework..they can be lazy somedays and ask you to do…

You will never know….people can change…

Like you la… change feelings.. break promise.. =’(

and some girls might change feelings too..you will never know..

time only let you know...

For me, if the person I really love and think about and also care about…

I will not get fed up…as long as he loves me..

I am willing to do everything for him…

I already said.. not all girls can do..only some.. ( I did not say all..i said some can some cannot)

If you want to talk with me next time, you can contact me when I start to work,( you see, i still give you chance....) i am not so mean as other people... or either when you are in KL, somehow if I am in penang, you will know or not???

Who ask you to remove me from facebook??? Stupid! ><

You should not remove me… ><

Anyhow, I might not forgive on what you did to me…

Because my heart is very pain..

and you break all the promise...

I cannot bare the feelings…

So I cannot forgive you…

But I will not hate or angry of you…

Because I don’t hate and angry of people…!

If i hate them, what's the use right??

If I am angry also, i will angry awhile only...

If you got read this section of my blog,

you better think properly whether i say these all were true or not...